Well, I had it sprung on me this morning that I was to attend Ivy's IEP this afternoon without any warning. I have been waiting patiently for the school to contact me regarding her IEP, but I have heard nothing. I imagine the scenario goes something like this. Her IEP has to be completed May 23, which is the last day of school. Someone over at the public school realized that no one had been in contact with myself or anyone at her private school and they scrambled to get this done. I was irritated as all get out, but luckily, it was my day to volunteer in the school cafeteria today, so as I was washing dishes today, I had plenty of time to mull it over, pray about it and then let it go to the universe. I was amazingly relaxed going into it. I remained calm through the entire hour and half process.

The first thing that got me going was the speech therapist moved to dismiss her speech for next year. I almost choked on my own air. I couldn't get the words out, that she is not ready to be cut yet when the school Principal chimed in and said, "no way, she isn't ready". I hate that they try to so hard to tell me she is almost typical. What exactly is typical in today's children anyway? It sure doesn't mean what it used to. I think there are more kids who are atypical than not these days.

So anyway, the principal and the speech therapists are duking it out over how many days she should get or not get, when I start to block their voices out and start thinking in my head, how fine the line is for her being what they say is "recovered" to her being autistic. The ST was all cocky and acting like she was the reason my daughter was so much better. I imagined myself slapping her right across the face and then that horrible thought shook me right back into the conversation at hand. I know, I know, that really wasn't a very nice thing for me to think, but hey....they have NO IDEA the hell we have gone through to get her where she is today. And while little additions like (2) 20 minute speech therapy sesson's 2 x's a week help..and I say that lightly because she rarely gets what she has coming to her, it's ME that has done most of her recovering here, not them.

She is able to learn and thrive b/c of our efforts as her parents. If we hadn't pursued the diet and the enzymes and the supplements and the clay baths and natural chelation, then she would still be locked in her old world that they call autism. If we stop the diet, the enzymes or anything, she immediately reverts back to her old autistic habits...which tells me she is not really recovered, but she IS in remission as long as we just do what do, day in, day out and never miss a beat. Autism is treatable, you just can't ever stop the treatments.

So, all in all, the IEP went okay and I was happy in the end, but I hate that the public school doesn't recognize MY efforts at all. They just see that she is better and assume that she is better b/c they provide her with (2) 20 minute speech sessions a couple of days a week. So, after taking it all in and meditating a little on it after I got home, I think that all is well in IEP Land for Miss Ivy. I think we can start next year in the second grade without too much to worry about. After-all, every single time I tend to doubt her abilities, she proves me wrong and exceeds what I thought was ever possible. I love that little girl.....she is my hero.

I hear George Michael chanting it in my head, can't you?

'Cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith...I gotta have FAITH!!!

No, I don't even remotely like that song, but it popped into my head when I was logging in here to post an update and tell you how little FAITH I had yesterday.

I feel like a complete yo-yo after yesterday's post. One day I am UP and feeling so sure about things, then next day I am DOWN and unsure and miserable. I make MYSELF crazy sometimes. I get so full of doubt that God's in control and He can handle it just fine without me trying to orchestrate it down here. When will I learn to just let it go? Probably never I guess.

Yesterday, I was SO FULL of doubt and I hastily posted my insecurities about not getting to DC...I did feel better temporarily though. I still have 3 weeks and 2 paychecks until then. Why am I stressing so and worrying SO MUCH? I have an old friend named Ed Lyle, God rest his soul, he would have just looked at me and grinned and said to me his famous words, "Lisa....it'll all work out". And I know, that in this situation, it's all going to work out. I just know it. I had a momentary lapse in trust and I lost my FAITH. Today though, I am feeling better about it and I am just going to have FAITH and know that God is going to provide the excess for us to get there. He always does.

So, I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith...I gotta have FAITH!!!

I love celebrating birthdays!!! I always make a big fuss over my kids' birthdays. My oldest daughter's BD is the day after mine, so my BD gets kinda passed up every year now b/c it's all about her. But, I think birthdays are a celebration of your life and who you are in this world....your uniqueness.

My mother retired and moved to Florida in 1993 and I have not been with her on Mother's Day since. I miss not being with her on her special day....even though I am now a mom myself...I still miss not being with her. I would tell her how much I admire her strength and perseverance over the years. She hasn't had an easy life. I would tell her I wish she would just come home and spend Mother's Day with her children. We all miss her on holidays, but we understand why she can't come home (she is taking care of our very elderly grandafther and can't leave him alone).

I have always, always loved life and all that life has had to offer me. I thought I knew what living was all about until I had children. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved children,  I just never had my own until I was well into my 30's, so by that time, I was pretty settled into single life and single living.

I am the type person, who HAS GOT to have breathing room and her own space or I will suffocate. When I became a mother, I wanted desperately to cling to my children, but desperately needed air as well. I love my children with every ounce of my being, but sometimes, I just need to *be* alone and centered so that I can be the best Mom to them that I can. I need silence so I can recharge my energies. I need to be alone, so that I can be one with myself.

My kids are cranky today and it's never quiet here. Quiet and autism don't belong in the same sentence I quess. I know if Ivy only uderstood how much I need silence, she would give it to me, but she doesn't. Noise and screaming and bad behavior is communication for her. It's how she tells me something is wrong, something is making her uncomfortable. I long for quiet days, but as a mother, I know, that the noise only lasts a short while and then they will leave me for good and I will fear that silence and long for the days of noise.

My dear sweet Jade, that poor baby, has to endure SO MUCH as a result of being Ivy's sibling. I can't blame her half the time for being disagreeable. Sometimes, the pressure is just sooooo intense that you just blow. You have to release it somehow and somewhere. Bless her little heart for being such a great big sister. I don't want you to think that it's always bad here all the time, because we have some happy and joyous times together, but they are only small little snippets of happiness sprinkled here and there throughout our days. I am so glad that I am a Mom and so proud to bear the title.

My girls have such endearing qualities each unique to their own selves. Jade is happy and sings without abandon, she dances and prances all over the house. She can't sit still and she is ever the explorer seeking out the next adventure. She loves art and theater, dancing, singing and music. She has a vivid imagination and daydreams a lot. She is tender hearted and thoughtful and so brave. She is fiercely independant always wants to do things herself and her own way. She doesn't let me hold her much or make over her and fuss about her and squeeze her or shower her with kisses. She is already off in her own little world thinking about what she can do next. Sometimes, at night, she let's me snuggle with her when she is tired....only then will she let me hold her, when she is at the point of exhaustion, she let's go in my arms. I live for those moments.

Ivy, is the exact opposite from Jade. She has eyes that can penetrates your soul. You can look into them and see forever. It's so hard to remember how happy and jolly she was as a baby before autism stole her from me. She lived in a dark world for a long time before I began to see the sparkle in her eyes again. She had no words for so long, no way to communicate other than crying, kicking and screaming. I was lucky in that most children with autism are not affectionate. God left for me that small little trait inside her. I think He knew that if she had no expression of love for me, that I wouldn't have that seed of hope for her healing. But she loves like no other child I have known. She hugs you and when you are hugged by her, you just know that she is hugging you with all that she is. You can feel it shoot straight to the middle of your heart. She squeezes you so tight and you just know, she is saying with her arms what her mouth can't say and her head doesn't quite understand. Ivy loves to sing and has a beautiful voice for such a young person. She never strays too far from me and loves to have me in her sight for extra reassurance that she is okay. She loves to swing and run and play and laugh. She loves to be tickled and chased and made over and babied. She is fiercely jealous and wants my attention or else. She loves to color and she loves school and learns so fast. Every day she amazes me as she conquers another step in her road to recovery.

Yes, I am one lucky Mother not just today, but everyday. Happy Mother's Day to me. I love, therefore, I am......woman, creator, nurturer, advocate, shepherd and best of all a MOTHER.....

I would do a piece on vaccine's toxic ingredients and the need to eliminate the toxins from them. It would feature an entire generation of vaccine poisoned children and the daily struggles they face as a result of heavy metal toxicity.

Blog, blog, blog, blog, blog, blog.....  

I love to BLOG, I've been bloggin' elsewhere for quite some time. I can can blog here, I can blog there, I can blog a little everywhere, LOL!!

I mostly blog about my kids and autism...just my journey in life I guess...and how I see it, how I wish it, how I want it to change.

Come along with me and see what's it's like a day in my life. :)